The Julius Peppers Training System ™, or JPTS ™, Explained

For those of you who may be new to this blog, I have nicknamed the way that our new stellar defensive end Julius Peppers trains.  I call it the Julius Peppers Training System ™ or JPTS ™.  It works like this:

  1. Sucker a NFL team that is full of dumb coaches, has an inept gm and ownership group.  Have them sign you to a whopping guaranteed contract based fully on past performance.
  2. Go out almost every night to clubs until all hours instead of spending time getting good sleep and waking up the next day training for the upcoming season.
  3. Flop massively the following season/get tossed in jail/both.

I have blogged extensively on these pages about the antics of Julius and I simply cannot believe what I am reading and hearing.  Now today I find this tweet from Tao night club in Vegas.  That is from March 25th.  That’s right, Julius has taken the JPTS on the road to sin city.  Perfect.

On March 26th, we have this from the Tao blog, which seems to confirm the fact that Julius was there the night of the 25th.  It seems that Julius has essentially blown off his first full month with the Bears partying.

This situation is so fucked I don’t even know where to begin.  The Bears, at this point, would literally be MILES ahead hiring ME to be their star defensive end.  If I were guranteed that type of jack with the possibility of making MORE in the years ahead, I would certainly go out once a week (maybe not, now that I think about it) BUT the rest of the week I would be working my ASS off training and getting good sleep, instead of spending the majority of my nights in a club, breathing smoky, stale air (Vegas) and waking up with a giant hangover at 3pm.

As a matter of fact, I would like to issue Julius Peppers a challenge to work out with me.  We will do all exercises like pushups, situps, etc. that aren’t weight related – just resistance.  I have a feeling I would kick his ass.  And certainly I would in cardio things like running and biking.

WAY TO GO BEARS!  Way to hire a drunk lazy fuck and get rid of everyone else.  Hey Bears, if you hire me, at least I will give it my all.  I might get crushed every play by a steroid pounding dude on the other side of the line, but I would give it my best.  Dammit this is all so…FUCKED!!!

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26 responses to “The Julius Peppers Training System ™, or JPTS ™, Explained

  1. Out of Context Quote of the Day:

    “You have to keep your options open.” — Lovie Smith

    Insert commentary here.

  2. I would also like to add that, once again, this is an odd way for Peppers to keep his life private, as he said he wanted.

  3. Good for Alex Brown. The Losers in Chicago dumped him, so he decided to go play for the Champs. Signed a two year deal with the Saints yesterday.

    Good luck, bro! The Saints just rented themselves a fan with this signing. Bears > Saints, but if they’re not playing the Bears, I’ll root for any team Alex Brown’s playing for. Same with Kyle Orton. Good players with great attitudes, and I really hope they find success in this league.

  4. Agree on that doshi. I was happy to see Thomas Jones kick ass last year. Cedric I think was still a fluke but proves what you can do when let loose from the clutches of Ron Turner.

  5. I just hate the Jets. Nothing against TJ, who I think is a heckuva player. The Jets piss me off, and I can’t cheer for them. They come off as the Patriots’ punky, stupid, primadona younger sister, and they piss me the hell off as a franchise. Which is strange, considering that I love what they did with their D last year, and their coach is hysterical to watch.

  6. I don’t have any love for the Jets but I have no reason to hate them other than they are from New York (pretty good reason, I have to admit). But they had the best rushing game in the NFL last year. It was a wonderful pleasure to watch the Jets running game at work. Their line absolutely smashed anyone and anything in its way, and their timing was so perfect. Jones was a natural fit there, and he showed what he could do with a running game that did NOT include the I formation of death ™.

  7. Oh, I hate “dirty” Sanchez, don’t get me wrong…

  8. You forgot the best part of that Tao blog. From the blog post:

    Also spotted at TAO on Thursday was Julius Peppers, who was celebrating signing a six year contract worth $91.5 million with the Chicago Bears. The defensive end was joined by his girlfriend and a few other friends for Grey Goose and Orange Juice cocktails in the club.

    YES INDEED HE WAS CELEBRATING HIS SIX YEAR CONTRACT

    Even some lame ass nightlife site knows better than the Bears’ brass.

  9. Correct you are. And “girlfriend” – I bet. I am sure with the way Julius is going about his new VERY private life that he has more than Tiger Woods did/does.

  10. One other random note – Peppers has the biggest contract of ANY defensive player in the entire league.

  11. What are the odds that at the end of the year Brown will have a better season than Peppers? Certainly when adjusted for cost Brown will kick butt since he is probably costs just 20% as much (maybe less).

  12. The Saints got Brown for two years, $6m. Unbelievable. Here are some odds for you. If Julius keeps fucking around instead of TRAINING, I would give it 75-25 that he gets hurt in training camp. And I mean that there is a 3 in 4 chance of him getting an injury. You can almost bank on it. BUT if he would quit FUCKING AROUND and start training NOW there is still a chance.

    But look at those numbers – 2 years at $6m or 6 at $91.5, with a buttload guaranteed. I think we can tell who is getting the better part of this deal, even if Peppers has record setting stats, which he will most certainly not since he will get double teamed every play now that the rest of our line SUCKS ASS.

  13. Heh, Peppers averages $15.5m per year, while Brown is averaging $3m per year. The Bears are paying Julius FIVE times as much on average per year. It is a virtual LOCK that his stats won’t be THAT much better then Brown’s. Only in Lake Forest at Halas Hall does that math look impressive. God we are so fucked.

  14. You are right about training camp! That is another reason why letting AB go was STUPID! The Bears have always been one of the most injury prone teams in the league. Heck if I remember right SI or ESPN even did an article on our state of the art training room because of all of the injuries back around 2000 or so. So with that type of history and the fact that our defense will still have to carry this team, WHY would you let AB go?!?!? Because JELLY ANGELO is as stupid as a box of bricks!

    And what’s worse, we didn’t even get a pick or player for him! In a year where we have just a handful of draft picks, you let a high quality player go and get NOTHING in return!!! That’s gross negligence for a GM and grounds for IMMEDIATE TERMINATION! Fire him or demote him to equipment manager! Go Saints (till we meet you in the playoffs again)!

  15. Three. They let go of three high quality players without any compensation. Brown, Wale, and Vasher. And all three releases will come back to haunt this team this season.

  16. Pingback: According To Greg Olsen: Greg Olsen’s Role “Not Gunna Change Regardless Of What People Say” — Blog Down, Chicago Bears

  17. In fairness to Peppers, he’s a legendary game changer. Alex Brown was not. He was consistently average. Let’s see what he does before we bury the guy, just sayin’ …

  18. Dara – There are a lot of people that alter the outcomes of games that don’t receive any accolades nor statistics. Stuffing the middle of a play doens’t get a stat, like Brown did so many times over the years. For every game changing player there are six (or more) that just went out and did what they were supposed to and were in places they were supposed to be on those game changing plays. Those guys don’t sell tickets so unless you are a rabid fan or in the business (I lay in the rabid fan camp) you wouldn’t even know that they were on the field. Not saying you are naive to the subtleties of the game, just sayin’.

    I won’t bury Peppers, BUT the fact that he is partying is ass off right now instead of properly preparing his body for the regular season worries me greatly as you can see from my posts over the past few weeks. It should worry you too and it sure as hell should be worrying the Bears ownership and coaching staff.

  19. My problem here is that they’re trying to have one player do the job of two. Pep is a good player, he racks up the stats and he makes offenses queasy. He is not as good as any two starting DEs in the NFL. Certainly he’s not as good as the combined talents of Wale and Brown. And Pep and Anderson/Izzy/whoeverthefuck also is not enough to compensate for the loss of Wale and Brown.

    Likewise on the CB situation. Vasher is a talented CB. Always has been. His problem was in his head after that injury. I don’t think this new CB is better than Vasher. I agree that he probably would have been a CB3 on this team, but that’s better than the CB4 that they basically traded him for.

    This team will be stuck within 2 games of .500 until they finally decide to scrap everybody from McCaskey on down and start the hell over. This is not a prediction. This is a fact.

  20. Doshi, I totally agree. And it would be great if we could get a real set of real owners instead of the TightWads! They keep spending what little money they do let go of in the wrong #&@#$! places!!! Look at the list of FAs we have missed out on this offseason, there are safeties, OLs, WRs and COACHES that our Beloved Bears just couldn’t (OR WOULDN’T) land! The freakin’ Jets are doing a better job than us…THE JETS! Come’on. How does a lost franchise like them turn everything around in 3 years? The get a real coach, GM, and open the wallet!

  21. The Jets just got Santonio Holmes for a 5th round draft choice. Just sayin…

  22. I hear you doshi. He can’t play the first four games next year for beating up a ho, but still a good value.

  23. Nailed. It.

  24. Great post. I found this site, by the way, by googling “football thoughts that are retarded beyond comprehension”. Keep up the good work!

  25. WOW in hindsight this is probably the most incorrect thing I have ever written. Oh well, I have been wrong before and will be wrong again. Still, no reason to be dropping enormous coin on champagne.

  26. I should add that in hindsight there was cause for concern, of course.

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