Category Archives: Fire Ron Turner

Ron Turner Gets a New Job

Ron Rivera, in what I can only imagine was a “good old boys” hiring, has hired You Know Who to be a coaching assistant for Carolina.  I had to go through and edit our “about” page, which is getting unbelievable.  Looking forward to when Ron gets fired from this one.  More importantly, I have a new team to bet against this Fall.


A Tale of Two Coaches

I keep track of our ex-Bear (usually terrible) coaches because I am always interested when they get new jobs. Ron Turner was the first college coach to get canned last year after a dismal 10-40 record at FIU, and John Shoop hasn’t had a job for quite some time. I think Ron will get another job of some sort eventually, but Shoop is another story. Why? Their twitter feeds.

If you look at Ron Turners feed, it is almost all congratulatory tweets to different sports people along with the weekly special at Jarling’s Custard Cup. It is mostly football, but he does spread the love to other sports as well.

John Shoop’s feed is a bizarre combination of personal items, along with political rants (mostly left wing tinfoil hat stuff) and other vitriol of this type. If there is one thing I know, it is that a potential employer typically doesn’t appreciate seeing these types of things on your public postings.

I might go so far as to say that Shoop is sort of losing his mind if you take a deep dive into his twitter feed, which I don’t recommend. I will give Shoop this much – he really has been a crusader against the NCAA, which is worthy of a pat on the back. But it isn’t getting him hired any time soon imho.

Chief Illoviewek

So you all know by now that Lovie Smiff is now the head coach of the Illinois football team. What a weird deal.

The new AD fires Cubes on his first day and gives Groce the dreaded “vote of confidence”. Expect to see a pink slip for Groce in the near future.

While the ax was falling on Cubes, we had recruits on campus and Spring Practices were supposed to start soon. That has been delayed.

But you know, none of this typical Illinois handling of athletic department things really matters. The fact of the matter is that Cubes was always a place holder, and it was good to start over (again), even though we now have yet another coach (and his son) sucking on the buyout teat. Sigh.

The first thing I did when I heard of the hiring of Lovie was take a giant shot of whiskey. But after thinking about it, I imagine that our new AD, Josh Whitman, wanted to make a splash and just get all the old people OUT and start over.

I don’t think this is the worst thing in the world, although we can certainly begin preparations for losing our challenges, of course. And since in the short term we will be getting beaten as usual like a red-headed stepchild, Lovie won’t have the opportunity to screw up the end of the game with poor clock management. And as long as he refrains from putting the band back together and hiring YOU KNOW WHO as his offensive coordinator, it can’t really be all that bad. Can it? So what if we go from also-ran to also-ran. That was our destiny with Cubes anyways.

As always, we here at frt are prepared. We NEVER delete our story tags, and now we can just get right back in the game with our “Fire Lovie Smith” tag. Always, always be prepared.

Re-Making the Bears

The Bears are wasting no time this off season making clear their intentions of getting younger. Matt Forte has been dismissed and it appears that the writing is on the wall for the Black Unicorn (imho, one of the greatest nicknames in all of sports history).

While Forte is still productive and relatively healthy, he is ancient in football years. No doubt that was taken into consideration along with the salary he may command. In reality, old running backs are pretty worthless in the NFL, since you can always draft a fourth rounder from the SEC to get 80% of that production for 20% of the cost. Or the Big Televen in our case with Langford. But all it takes is one team that is on the verge of something good to offer that guy a big contract and I have no doubt that someone will seriously overspend on Forte.

As for Bennett, it has been clear for some time that he was on his way out, and that injury last year was the final straw.

I, for one, am liking what I am seeing with this team getting younger. It is the only way to win in the NFL.

As an odd side note, I think that Cutler is the only player left from the Ron Turner era on the roster.

More updates will be posted on roster changes as they come out.

Update: bye bye Bushrod.

Bears Coaching Alumni

Coaching football is an odd and imho, a terrible profession. In contrast to the players, many coaches have life-long careers. The only problem with this is that they have to constantly move as they get replaced, fired, or take a better job. I would imagine that this takes a toll on many of the coaches family lives. It would be interesting sometime to see if their divorce and bankruptcy rates are as bad as the players. But that is peering down the rabbit hole a bit much.

So, who do you know? That is true in life outside of coaching, and is vital within the coaching community. Many, many coaches have worked with each other at some point and they never know who their next boss will be. This is why you never see coaches like Trestman burning bridges when they get fired or leave. That guy you are calling an asshole might just be your new boss (but not for long). I suppose there are a few guys who could get away with trashing people like Belichick and maybe the Chin but those guys are few and far between. You will note that GMs never trash owners, even if their reasons for departure may not be fair.

I imagine that Fox and Elway were butting heads for Elway to dismiss Fox after amassing a 46-18 record, but little was said besides Elway saying that the Broncos didn’t go down “kicking and screaming” in the playoffs. Even Elway knows that he might be working somewhere else someday.

With that, I noticed a few funnies this week. Our ex (not so) special teams coordinator Joe DeCamillis is now working for Denver. Funny since we just got their special teams guy Rodgers from Denver, who obviously followed Fox to Chicago.

Marc Trestman is now the OC for the Ravens. Trestman and Flacco – what a marriage made in heaven.

Aaron Kromer is now the O Line coach for Rex Ryan in Buffalo. That sort of sucks for us because Buffalo was one of the teams I thought we could sucker trade with for Cutler. Oh well.

I am sure even Mel Tucker will fall into some sort of job. It is a giant carousel and round and round it goes. Look at dumb Ron Turner, still gainfully employed. If that doesn’t say it all, I don’t know what does.

Domains Released

Well today we have our own little post Black-Monday routine which is the “releasing of the domains”.  I had Fire Aaron Kromer and Fire Marc Trestman which I released back into the general pool.  For some reason I never bought Mel Tucker in the first place but I’ll be sure to buy the DC coordinator next time because boy did we stink up the joint on defense.  I didn’t try to buy Emery either will look into that next GM as well.  And another learning is to buy up the special teams guy – man we’ve fallen apart over the last few years.

One thing we never do, however, is give up the domain for Ron Turner.  Even though it is a sad ol’ “.net” domain we keep forever and I consider that money well spent.  Unlike the guys up above who came through town and failed and moved on, Ron Turner wrecked the Illini AND the Bears TWICE and we just can’t believe he still has a job anywhere in football.  He also blew the only chance we probably will have for a super bowl win in my damn life time, a game so sad that Dan and I never even discuss it.

Good in the Big Ten is Like Being The Hottest Chick in Reno…

Dan and I have been texting some funny crap back and forth recently.

On a random one he said that Wisconsin was “Stomping Hapless Fools” in the Big Ten, and of course he meant their wimpier opponents like Illinois. Ha ha ha I think that is the three word quote of the year.

We were going back and forth about our favorite games, and I said that one of my favorites was where Michigan wanted to play with the “big boys” and they scheduled that early season game against Alabama at a neutral site. Not only was Alabama “stomping those hapless fools” of Michigan, they were physically crushing and injuring the best Michigan players, ruining them even for the pathetic level of competition that is the Big Ten. Ha ha ha. I was at a restaurant in Door County on vacation for Labor Day when this happened and I was happily shouting my joy at the screen to the chagrin of random patrons nearby. It was awesome.

This came to mind as we were talking about the matchup between LSU and Wisconsin at a neutral site, and the fact that Wisconsin (unlike Illinois) is doing all the right things to become a “division zero” team including acquiring stone criminals and running up the score on everyone. However, this is still no match for the brutal gladiator-like combat of the SEC (and parts of the ACC and others) and Dan and I believe that LSU, a five point favorite, will beat up Wisconsin similarly (but probably not as badly) as ‘Bama rolled over the Wolverines.

I said that “Being Good in the Big Ten is like Being Hot in Reno” meaning, hey, that’s nice in a relative sense but don’t try to play with the big boys.

Another great back and forth is the continuing failure of Ron Turner at FIU. Ha ha ha. We can’t get enough. Actually that school used to have a good program out of nothing and would have crushed Illinois when they were ranked so it isn’t the school or its immense (potential) talent base of illiterate local Florida criminals who hold a pencil like it is the handle of an axe, just Mr. Turner that is wrecking it all. They are currently the UNDERDOGS of a DIVISION TWO school for their opening game. HA HA HA.

Damn if we only had relegation they’d be in division 2. Of course can’t say that too loudly Illinois might be there, too.