Category Archives: Fire the NFL

2016 Season Prediction Thread

It is time for us to put out our predictions for the Bears’ 2016 season.  Last years’ Bears went 6-10 (if you want to re-live the futility some die-hard Bears fans put up a complete game by game summary up at wikipedia here).  This is a modest step up from the 5-11 2014 season which was a widely acknowledged tire fire resulting in the firing of everybody (essentially this site’s mast head).

Dan always lectures me (properly) to ignore the useless and pathetic pre-season results but I have to say that the 22-0 loss to Denver was even below my very low expectations.  While little good happened overall, our miserable offensive line of turnstyles led to our QB’s being on their backs or harassed which leads to very bad outcomes for the Bears.  This year we invested in defense in the draft and in the offseason and I think our defense will be substantially better (no where to go but up) but I think our terrible O line will be the death of us and it will be like watching our patched-together lines of several years’ ago which I shudder to remember.

Our offense absolutely didn’t get better beyond our bad O line, giving away Bennett for almost nothing and letting Forte go and sticking with a soon-to-be-hurt tight end who had a bit of a break out season.  Plus everybody seems to be hurt.  But it is good at least having White on the field – maybe he won’t be the bust that he seemed to be last year.

The problem with the Bears in the NFL is that the rest of the league doesn’t stand still.  We are definitely either the third or worst team in our division, with the Vikings and the Packers likely to stomp us and we probably would split with Detroit (no more Megatron).  There we go 1-5 out of those 6 games.  So if we split the rest we are looking at a 6-10 season.  I don’t think we will split the rest so I am going with 5-11 instead of 6-10.

I 100% hope I am wrong but watching all those miserable home losses last year puts me in a bad frame of mind.  So that’s my prediction right there.  Like it says over the comments, let it all out.

Super Bowl in Reno

Dan and I and our friend Brian and some others are heading out to Reno for the Super Bowl. Reno? Why Reno? Easy. In Reno things are comped, and in Vegas we are nobody.

The highlight is betting on the Super Bowl. It is great to be in a big real sports book (sure it’s nothing compared to Vegas but it beats the local bookie) and to also be able to bet on the NCAA and NBA games the day before, too.

This year the betting will be easy. Manning, who beat the Bears in the 2007 Super Bowl after the 2006 season, is despised by our crew (even though hell it is Ron Turner and our idiotic coaching and strategy that really did us in, but that’s beside the point) and we will gladly bet against them and for Carolina.

The line started around 4.5 for Denver but seems to have gotten as low as 3 as Denver fans piled in. Keep it up, Denver fans! Bet everything you can put your hands on. Not that I am any sort of line guru but I figured the line would start at 4.5 and even move beyond 7 since Tom Brady, Gronk and a bunch of random guys off the street replacing injured stars took Denver within a 2 point conversion of OT. But the line is going the other way, and that’s awesome.

We want a repeat of the Broncos vs. Seattle from 2 years ago when they were crushed from the opening kickoff and Manning’s dinky little passes went nowhere while the opposing offense piled up more than enough points.

As Bear fans we can count on a few things 1) likely not making the playoffs any time soon 2) watching the much better and hated Slack get into the playoffs, then hopefully losing in a heartbreaking fashion 3) putting money on someone else to win the Super Bowl than our usual hated teams and opposing players.

Our Super Bowl Betting Algorithm

Not that we would ever gamble here at Fire Everybody, but let’s just say theoretically we were at Reno for the Super Bowl and we had some money from sold off South Lot passes and also a bit of money to keep it interesting… what is our Super Bowl betting algorithm? Here’s my take on it and Dan can throw in his 2 cents…

  1. Bet on Bears – God knows that this will never happen but just in case of course that is what we’d do, even if we felt like the odds were crazy
  2. Bet against the Slack – there’s nothing in the universe that would make us bet on the Slack.  In all cases we’d bet against them
  3. Bet against Pittsburgh – we hate the lunchbox Steelers.  Would be a brutal day in the life if we had to choose between the Slack and the Steelers… last time I prayed for a meteor to strike the field and only let the ex-Illini survive
  4. Bet on the Patriots – we have a profound respect for their coach and his ability to stay ahead of whatever is going on in the NFL.  Damn I wish he was in charge of the Bears

I think these are the actually only four “lock” bets in sequence.  After that it is a bit situational.  Here are some general rules of thumb…

  • Bet against either Manning – I still can’t believe f*cking Eli has 2 Super Bowl wins.  DAMN YOU.  If they played those games over 100 times the Giants would lose 99 times… and yet he has 2 rings.  Plus his brother has to give it up he’s hurt and a shell of himself and we are tired of hearing him shilling Buicks
  • Bet against Flacco – Flacco is one guy that goes out of his mind in the playoffs, but we still don’t want to see the NFL title parade going through the rubble-strewn badlands of Baltimore
  • Screw our divisional rivals – although it is purely theoretical we’d have to swallow damn hard to root for the Queens or bankrupt Detroit.  Most likely it would be the other guy
  • Bet on Dallas – hell I have to give it to them they have the best cheerleaders and their stadium is out of this world

After that there are some obscure scenarios like Oakland (hell yes I’d bet on those lunatics) but not worth worrying about.  That is my betting tree up above and it covers a reasonable amount of contingencies.

Packers Legal Woes

The enemy of my enemy is my friend – Ancient Proverb

This off season has been very quiet on the Bears front. Which is good. The off season is when the fine young upstanding citizens that work in the NFL have free time, and that free time is the devil’s workshop for many. Young men plus lack of focus plus money = bad things. I imagine all NFL coaches in the time after the mini-camp and before regular camp wake up every morning and get on their knees and pray to the football gods that they don’t see any of their team in the arrest reports for the previous evening.

However, the Packers have had some issues. None of these problems in and of themselves are any real big deal, but when you add them all up, they will likely affect the Packers depth. Which is great for us.

In February, d lineman LeTroy Guion was arrested for multiple felonies. He was busted for possession of 357 grams of mary jane (over 3/4 of a pound!), plus almost $200k in ca$h and a firearm. No suspension has been announced, but there will definitely be one eventually. I imagine it will be for at least 4 games and as many as 8.

TE Andrew Quarless was just arrested in Miami and will certainly get suspended for this bizarre incident.

Also, d lineman Datone Jones was popped for substance abuse violations and will serve a one game suspension.

As I said, none of these things taken separately are any big deal as the Packers are the prohibitive favorite to win the NFC Norris Divison yet again. However, these suspensions and injuries from camp will add up and could affect the Packers – which helps the Bears.

Stupidest Article Ever

For some reason I was punishing myself reading Yahoo! sports when I came across this article on “deflate gate” and the Patriots. From this idiocy

Unless there is a reasonable explanation, and neither New England nor the NFL has offered one yet, the Patriots should worry about losing draft picks as punishment. Their reputation may never be fully recovered.

Ha ha ha – the reputation of the Patriots has INCREASED due to the latest out-smarting of NFL dolts. I would LOVE for the Bears to be so smart that they are fined or investigated by the NFL for cheating. Remember, this is a league that gives ZERO sh*ts about players killing themselves, going insane, and all going bankrupt. Why would their reputation suffer just because they bent the rules a little bit? To me the only variable is getting caught, and if this helped them win vs. the Dolts, then that’s a trade I’d take any day.

Schadenfreude

The official definition is

Schadenfreude is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.

Well here at Fire Everybody that’s about all we have nowadays. Our hated rivals the Slack had an epic collapse for the ages and now are not going to the Super Bowl. A lot of things had to go wrong at the end for them to lose that game and it all occurred in a row.

Dan and I are on to Reno for the Super Bowl (yes Reno, damn they treat us like kings with comped rooms and you can play $5 craps and blackjack and drink free for days while you couldn’t even get near a $50 table in Vegas and you’d have to spend $25k to be treated the same) and it looks like New England for us. Damn I still can’t believe those 2 losses to the Giants if those games were played over again 100 times the Pats would win 99% of them but that’s life and why Eli Manning is somehow blessed.

Ambiguity From Halas Hall?

The search apparently is well on, for there is much work to be done at Halas Hall. Mr. McCaskey and Mr. Phillips have secured Ernie Accorsi as a consultant.  McCaskey and Phillips have seemed to say, however, that they will be making final decisions themselves.  There is more than one way to interpret this.

 

Perhaps McCaskey and Phillips believe that their past lack of success in making hiring decisions is forgivable, given exigent circumstances that only they are aware of.  Perhaps McCaskey and Phillips believe that they have grown and learned from their past mistakes.

 

Then again, perhaps McCaskey and Phillips have decided that the decision will be theirs, in that they will forever own up to it, but all that they will be doing is hiring Accorsi’s choice, assuming of course that the Bears can come to terms with whomever it is. This may be necessary, as to many observers  it may be unpalatable to have McCaskey seem in any way to just be a rubber stamp.  No doubt he needs to maintain the appearance of total control.

 

There are a lot of names being mentioned as possible GM and HC candidates.  From the media and elsewhere, as reported by the media.  The Fritz Pollard Alliance has reportedly made three GM candidates known to Accorsi.  Let us hope that with all the opinions that are being tossed around, the gentleman, Mr. Accorsi, being paid by the Bears to be the smartest guy in the room is indeed the smartest guy in the room.